Movin' and a Shakin'

July 15. Today's date. That's ridiculous. I was looking up my days of work left and I have 10 more office days and 18 more days of work left in total. I cannot believe that my life is moving so quickly.

So there are a couple big things that have happened since the last time I wrote. I suppose the biggest thing that happened was when Mike Hickerson, the head leader of the Sr. High and one of my bosses, called me into his office. He asked me what I had been getting out of this internship and what I had enjoyed and what I didn't. He then told me that often times in an internship, the intern is stuck doing work that many people don't like doing (which is what I was doing the first couple of weeks here) but even more often, the host of the intern doesn't get nearly as much out of the intern as the intern gets out of the host. Usually, he said, the host gives the intern a lot of opportunities and more often than not, those opportunites are not things that are really ready for the experience that the intern contains. (You should know that at this point, I'm thinking, "Oh crap. What have I done here?") But then he said to me that it wasn't the case with me. He said that everything that Heartland has given me, I've been able to accomplish and contribute right back. He said that this was the most even internship that I could have had. Even meaning me taking and giving. He also said that he personally has loved working with me and that everyone that he has talked to has had all great things to say about me. He finished it with: "I don't know what you're doing next year after you graduate and I don't know if I'd even have a job to offer you or the money to do it with, but I would hire you in a second."

That was incredible to hear. It just affirmed a lot of doubts that I've had since I've been here and it gave me a lot encouragement throughout. Obviously this is not a job offer nor is it something that I am waking up at night thinking that maybe I should try and pursue after this. I don't want to live in Rockford and I don't know if I want to work at a church. However, to know that my goal from the very start of wanting to give back to Heartland as much as I will take being accomplished is very affirming. What's even greater is that I didn't spark the conversation either. Mike was the one that asked to talk to me and took the time and made a point of telling me some very detailed and great things. Moreover, it also really affirms the fact that I have not just been sitting and absorbing. I contributing. I'm doing stuff around here that matters. I'm not just full of ideas that people are considering because I am the intern. The people I'm working with really enjoy my ideas and think they're good. Good enough to even hire my brain.

Maybe it's sad that I wanted this affirmation so badly. Some people say that I should know by now that I always have something to contribute but it doesn't always feel like the case. I really want the encouraging word. Well actually, that's not necessarily true. I want the encouraging final word. I don't really want nor need the, "you're doing a great job! Keep going! You're doing great!" I sort of feel like that is usually premmature. It's almost as if those words aren't genuine. Often times, in my mind at least, the encouragement is for lack of an ability to give good criticism. When I'm working on something, anything, I want it to be the best. And I know that what ever I do will not be the best on my own account. I need the ideas and views of other people. I need them to give me their opinions and criticisms. It's pretty obvious that the world doesn't see life the same way as one person and it's even more obvious that the world doesn't see life the way I do for sure. In order to relate, I need others to tell me how they see things. So when Mike and the other staff at Heartland helped me along by giving my projects and giving me their ideas to collaborate with, that was the encouragement I needed. And when they told me that I did a great job, that was the affirmation I needed.

Anywho, my life at Heartland is going and going to stop here soon. It's been great thus far and I'm more than happy to be at this church than any other church I could have been placed with. I've heard of some of my friends running Vacation Bible School, doing sermons, working at coffee shops, and such and while some of those things really interest me, I don't think they are FOR me. VBS isn't my thing so much, I want to be waaaay smarter before I teach, and the way things are going, I might be working at Starbucks right out of school. I needed to be surrounded by great friends that love God and love the church and I was/am this summer. I don't have all of my questions answered nor do I have all of the answers (that I do have) finely tuned. However, I do have more answers and better questions. I'm looking forward to the last part of my internship. It should be a solid ride.