A One-Sided Conversation

-  Hey, what's going on!
-  I know, I haven't seen you in such a long time!
-  You too!  I've lost a few pounds here... but put them on over here!
-  Well thank you, that's very kind. I'm was never the comedian between the two of us
-  No!  You are too.
-  So, what have you been up to?
-  (startled)  Really?
-  Wow, that sounds really adventurous.  Is it safe?
-  Sounds expensive.
-  Figured as much.  You never were cheap.
-  Oh come on, you joker!  I didn't mean it like that.
-  Haha, you're so immature.
-  Well, it sounds like you've really "found" yourself after all these years.  I'm really happy for you.
-  Oh me?  Nothing.  I've been doing the same old, same old.  Working the job.  Going for walks at 6 o'clock every night- trying to clear my head.  I'm trying to find "Me" in this world but it's so hard when there are so many other "Not-Me's" out there.  I mean, how can I find "Me" when I don't even know if I'm actually here and I just don't know it.  You know what I mean?
-  Oh come on, that is not "cool."  It's kind of lame actually.
-  You always knew just what to say.  Some things never change.
-  JINX!
-  JINX AGAIN!
-  Woah, that's crazy.
-  Hahahahahhahaha.
-  Sooooo, how's the ol' "Ball and Chain"
-  Oh my gosh!  I'm so sorry
-  What was she doing past the yellow line?
-  For a quarter?
-  Go figure, someone would have put it up on YouTube already.  So insensitive
-  Wow.  Forget terrorists in London- they need to put up better signs for their metro system or the 2012 Olympics are going to be a disaster.
-  So back to you and your business venture- do you really think there's a market for Underwater Fishing Trips?
-  It sounds like a thrill.  If I wasn't a scaredy-cat of deep waters then I would be in like Flynn.
-  You know I was wondering where they got that phrase from too just the other day.  Then I googled it...
-  I know, of course I googled it... and it turns out it has a pretty sexual connotation.  I'm trying to stop saying it because I don't want to be associated with smut.
-  Yeah well- I'm sure you'll do fine in the underwater fishing world.  And knowing you, you'll find a market- and then make like, a billion dollars off it!
-  Of course I'm exaggerating but I still wouldn't be surprised!
-  Hey mister, mister- some of us are still married!
-  Sorry.  That was really stupid.   I wasn't thinking when I said that!
-  No, come on!  It was an honest mistake.  You should know not to tickle me!  I don't have control over my words when I get tickled!
-  Hey, come back here!  (shouting) Well let me know if you want to get together sometime! I work here Monday through Friday!  (normal voice)  Welp, back to work.  Sir, did you want to upgrade to a full body massage or do you want to just stay with the back?
-  I understand, the airplane isn't going to wait for you, is it?