Ariel needs an Attitude-Check

So I've thought this for a while now but I think I'm going to finally put it into writing.  I've always held onto the fact that if I ever decided to go into comedy (you know, because I'm so funny), this would be one of my routines.  But for the sake of stretching my own humor, I'm going to let go one of my favorite jokes. 

Below, you'll read the lyrics to "A Part of Your World" from Disney's Little Mermaid.  I've added my responses next to Ariel's words.

Look at this stuff (okay....)
Isn't it neat? (Yeah, it's pretty neat.)
Wouldn't you think my collection's complete? (It does look pretty full)
Wouldn't you think I'm the girl, The girl who has everything? (Well, your dad is the King of the Sea)
Look at this trove (Holy cow!  That's an awesome trove!)
Treasures untold (that's kind of a weird thing to say)

How many wonders can one cavern hold? (probably like a thousand!)
Looking around here you think "Sure, she's got everything" (I'm definitely starting to)
I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty (Are you serious!?)
I've got whozits and whatzits galore (You've got whozits and whatzits?! Galore!?)
You want thingamabobs? (Hell yeah, I do!)
I've got twenty! (No way!)
But who cares? (Wait a minute...)
No big deal (It's a pretty big deal...)
I want more (Are you serious?!  You, greedy, terrible Mermaid!)

I wanna be where the people are (You have crabs that sing and dance around YOU!)
I wanna see, wanna see them dancin' (Just poke your head out of the water every once in a while then!)
Walking around on those - what do you call 'em? (Feet)
Oh - feet! (Yep...)

Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far (Uh, you can flip your fins around 70% of the earth.)
Legs are required for jumping, dancing (Unless you get a cramp!)
Strolling along down a - what's that word again? (Oh my gosh!  It's called a Street!  A Street!)
Street ([GIANT SHRUG AND SIGH])

Up where they walk, up where they run (Up where you can't talk to animals!)
Up where they stay all day in the sun (Even in the warmest places on land, that's not possible.  Think about rain, snow, I don't know- CLOUDS!)
Wanderin' free - wish I could be (Oh no, here it comes)
Part of that world (You really have no idea how much you're limiting yourself, do you?)

What would I give if I could live out of these waters? (Well, you'd have to give up your fins, invisible gills, and that whole "conch shells on your boobies" get up.)
What would I pay to spend a day warm on the sand? (It depends on the beach.  Probably no more than ten bucks though)
Bet'cha on land they understand that they don't reprimand their daughters (that's actually a pretty universal thing.  IT'S CALLED DISCIPLINE)
Proper women sick of swimmin' (Proper women wouldn't say "swimmin' ")
Ready to stand (Now it sounds like you're opening up the Women's Suffrage Bag!)

And I'm ready to know what the people know (Have you ever considered teaching us what you know?)
Ask 'em my questions and get some answers (You're a demanding, little bi-otch aren't you?)
What's a fire and why does it - what's the word? (No, not this time)
Burn? (Good work.  You got that one on your own... and no normal person knows "why" a fire burns)

When's it my turn? (I'm sorry to say, but unless you have someone with magical powers on your side, you're not going to have a turn up here)
Wouldn't I love, love to explore that world up above? (It sure sounds like  it. But I would suggest you learning how to be happy with where you are first.  Trust me, that'll be much more happy in the long run)

Out of the sea (That doesn't make sense.  That was a fragment)
Wish I could be (Oh, you're speaking like Yoda.  I get it.  The answer is still no)
Part of that world (Dang!  You pulled like a triple Yoda on me!   But the answer is still no... because of your attitude.  See, it's not just your father.)

Man do I hate Ariel.  But, they can't ALL be like Jasmine.