Goodbyes of All Kinds

It's my last day at Heartland. I go to Dallas 9 o'clock tomorrow morning. I'm there for a week. I leave on Wednesday for Chicago. I'm there for two days. I'm in Grand Rapids on Friday. The End.

Goodbyes are so strange. So strange. It's one thing leaving something that you're okay leaving because you have an opportunity to move on. Go forward. Get going. It's another thing to leave something that requires real, authentic emotion to leave your body while the person or place leaves you. This summer has been full of hello's and goodbye's. See ya later's and It was nice know you's. Who was that's and I think I remember them's. Being at a church with 8000 people has had its ups and its downs. However, the relationships that I have built have been incredily rewarding and have made me consider myself very greatful.

What's sad is that often times, you don't necessarily know how much of an impact you've made on something until you leave. I have had some incredible affirmation while I've been here but about two hours ago, I had my going away party (see: cake and Dasani water bottles). It was very nice to see some of the church staff for the last time and them give me some encouraging words. Dugan, my best friend that I've met here, spoke very kindly of me and gave some funny, quirky comments. Mike Hickerson, my golfing buddy/boss/Sr. High Head Directional Leader, told everyone that I would be perfect for hiring at any point down the road and that I gave as much if not more to Heartland as I recieved. And then Tammy, my host mom, could hardly speak because she was crying too much. I was shocked by that. Tammy, an incredible woman and sooo nice, has been nothing but hospitable and a joy to be around. But I had no idea that what ever I've been around the Buteyn's (Host family's last name) was worth crying over. Little things like that continue to encourage me to be myself in all situations. I've only been me here and people have really accepted me as a good friend, trustworthy collegue or family. It's been hard.

But with that, my time here isn't done yet. I still have about one more week and two days of "work" left although none of that will be spent in Rockford. It should be fun though. I have a busy life ahead of me and a lot more goodbyes to say. The ones ahead are going to be harder but they are also going to be more memorable. I have loved my time here at Heartland but it also has proved to be another short stay in my proverbial journey. Someone told me today that in their prayers for me, they believed God was telling them that wherever I would land would surprise me. I think that's going to be true. I don't know if it's going to be a good surprise or a tough one to deal with, but my life, I hope, will not prove dull. I won't have it any other way.

Thanks Heartland Community Church.

Trial and Error

Here we are. I'm six days away from leaving Rockford. This summer has been a whirlwind to say the least.

I just got back from my last vacation time which was spent ironically (or maybe not so ironically) in Holland, MI. I spent some time with Mel and her family. It was great out there. I'm going to miss her a lot. That's all I'm going to say about that.

As far as my internship goes, wow. To say that Heartland moves fast would be an understatement. I got in this morning, eight hours after I got home last night, got pulled into a meeting about the Dallas mission trip that I'm going on with the Senior High. I was told that my I am leading a group of ten or so senior highers with another girl I work with and that I'm also going to be single handedly leading a mission project for a vacation bible school with one of the churches that we'll be partnering with while we're in the big D (Dallas). Then, I was told that we need to leave earlier than expected and was asked if I was okay with leaving on Thursday instead of Saturday Morning. So now I'm going to be leaving on a jet plane (I don't know when I'll be back again...) on Thursday afternoon sometime, working with one other guy from Heartland, getting all of the sites prepared for the senior high's arrival, and then doing some other work where necessary. It should be good. It's just a lot to come home to after vacation. But I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've said a lot that this internship has been great and different and exciting and interesting and thought provoking and good and slow and too fast and ambiguous and everything else. It has still been all of those things. To try and label it something would be naive. It just wouldn't be able to be done. I came into this church thinking that I might run into some pretty arrogant people seeing as the people I had talked to on the phone had said some things about Heartland that made them seem pretty high and mighty. However, after I realized that communicating over the phone does not do communication justice and that going into a ten week long internship with a sour attitude might be shooting myself in the foot, I let my eyes be opened for a second time. I'm glad I did. Everything that followed after getting here happened quickly and happened well.

So now, as I start to look back on this internship and not ahead anymore (although there is plently to look forward to), I realize that the questions that I hoped might get answered are still out there. However, those questions are more refined and some of the answers that I was hoping would get answered did. Because of these ten weeks, I know that going into ministry does not mean the same thing for any person, church or talent. I know that if I wanted to get involved in ministry and make it my vocation, I could do it with the talents that I have and I wouldn't necessarily have to reform to my surroundings. My surroundings, hopefully, could help shape me but also challenge me enough so that my talents are complemented and exuded out of me. And that's when ministry works best- when the place in which God is explored or searched after or studied or whatever, really makes the source of those actions, the person, shine at what he or she is good at by challenging them to strengthen their strengths. Basically, that means that we as people need to worship God with what God has given us to worship with. If we're painters, let's paint and praise God through that. That doesn't mean that our canvases need to be filled with crosses and sunsets. But because all things are God's, anything that is painted is of God and thus honors him.

So when I think about myself, I think about a couple of different things. First of all, I have never really labeled myself as the smartest guy. I am very capable at getting good grades but that's only when I study. Because of that, I don't think that just trying to teach will come easy to me. If I wanted to teach right now, I think I could make a very relevant teaching to a congregation but the depth of it might be very exegetically shallow. And for me, the exegesis of a sermon is where most of my inspiration is generated from. Teaching how jealousy hurts my neighbor might impact me and it might even get at me emotionally, but for me, I don't think it changes me. Until I know what Jesus was going through during the time of when he talks about jealousy (I don't know when or where that is in the Bible so don't quiz me), I am not truly impacted by it. I need to know what was happening so I can make all of the other relational connections. Why was that person jealous? What did it do to that family? What could have happened to prevent it? Why is Jesus so adamant about this situation? Why did he pick this one to talk about? How does it relate to me? Yes that is called contemplative exegesis but for me, that only happens after the exegesis. I can only relate something to me correctly when I know that the history of it is sound. Otherwise, I'm only relating what I think is supposed to be related and that is sort of like a red herring fallacy (claiming that this claim is false because you refuted the wrong interpretation of a certain argument).

So this intenship has been great for me because it really has opened my eyes to some really new ways of doing ministry. I don't know what I'll be doing in a year from now but I do know that personal contemplation is the best way to start working that stuff. "You can't grow unless you change." "The Muscle doesn't grow any stronger unless you rip it." "Why do we fall down? So we learn to pick ourselves back up." There is a lot of quotes like that. Probably because life works like that- in a trial and error method. Hopefully, the final victory outweighs the minor errors. I bet it will.

Movin' and a Shakin'

July 15. Today's date. That's ridiculous. I was looking up my days of work left and I have 10 more office days and 18 more days of work left in total. I cannot believe that my life is moving so quickly.

So there are a couple big things that have happened since the last time I wrote. I suppose the biggest thing that happened was when Mike Hickerson, the head leader of the Sr. High and one of my bosses, called me into his office. He asked me what I had been getting out of this internship and what I had enjoyed and what I didn't. He then told me that often times in an internship, the intern is stuck doing work that many people don't like doing (which is what I was doing the first couple of weeks here) but even more often, the host of the intern doesn't get nearly as much out of the intern as the intern gets out of the host. Usually, he said, the host gives the intern a lot of opportunities and more often than not, those opportunites are not things that are really ready for the experience that the intern contains. (You should know that at this point, I'm thinking, "Oh crap. What have I done here?") But then he said to me that it wasn't the case with me. He said that everything that Heartland has given me, I've been able to accomplish and contribute right back. He said that this was the most even internship that I could have had. Even meaning me taking and giving. He also said that he personally has loved working with me and that everyone that he has talked to has had all great things to say about me. He finished it with: "I don't know what you're doing next year after you graduate and I don't know if I'd even have a job to offer you or the money to do it with, but I would hire you in a second."

That was incredible to hear. It just affirmed a lot of doubts that I've had since I've been here and it gave me a lot encouragement throughout. Obviously this is not a job offer nor is it something that I am waking up at night thinking that maybe I should try and pursue after this. I don't want to live in Rockford and I don't know if I want to work at a church. However, to know that my goal from the very start of wanting to give back to Heartland as much as I will take being accomplished is very affirming. What's even greater is that I didn't spark the conversation either. Mike was the one that asked to talk to me and took the time and made a point of telling me some very detailed and great things. Moreover, it also really affirms the fact that I have not just been sitting and absorbing. I contributing. I'm doing stuff around here that matters. I'm not just full of ideas that people are considering because I am the intern. The people I'm working with really enjoy my ideas and think they're good. Good enough to even hire my brain.

Maybe it's sad that I wanted this affirmation so badly. Some people say that I should know by now that I always have something to contribute but it doesn't always feel like the case. I really want the encouraging word. Well actually, that's not necessarily true. I want the encouraging final word. I don't really want nor need the, "you're doing a great job! Keep going! You're doing great!" I sort of feel like that is usually premmature. It's almost as if those words aren't genuine. Often times, in my mind at least, the encouragement is for lack of an ability to give good criticism. When I'm working on something, anything, I want it to be the best. And I know that what ever I do will not be the best on my own account. I need the ideas and views of other people. I need them to give me their opinions and criticisms. It's pretty obvious that the world doesn't see life the same way as one person and it's even more obvious that the world doesn't see life the way I do for sure. In order to relate, I need others to tell me how they see things. So when Mike and the other staff at Heartland helped me along by giving my projects and giving me their ideas to collaborate with, that was the encouragement I needed. And when they told me that I did a great job, that was the affirmation I needed.

Anywho, my life at Heartland is going and going to stop here soon. It's been great thus far and I'm more than happy to be at this church than any other church I could have been placed with. I've heard of some of my friends running Vacation Bible School, doing sermons, working at coffee shops, and such and while some of those things really interest me, I don't think they are FOR me. VBS isn't my thing so much, I want to be waaaay smarter before I teach, and the way things are going, I might be working at Starbucks right out of school. I needed to be surrounded by great friends that love God and love the church and I was/am this summer. I don't have all of my questions answered nor do I have all of the answers (that I do have) finely tuned. However, I do have more answers and better questions. I'm looking forward to the last part of my internship. It should be a solid ride.

Sprinkling and Dunking

Hey You Crazy Blog!

Sorry it's been so long since I've written anything. My head has been spinning with many-a-thing to do and very little time to do those things in. Here's a quick recap of what I've done in just the past week. First of all, I am working hard on doing this Mighty Family Smashup thingamajig. The MFS is a family focused, 30 minute drama, teaching series that Heartland does once a month about nine months out of the year. It's target audience is families of fifth graders and younger. Each episode is focused on family issues like jealousy or telling the truth or just how to be better family members/people in general. It's pretty innovative and more fun than anything. It does get a message across though in a pretty exciting, Jr. High-ish kind of way. (That's not supposed to be a diss. It's supposed to be geared down on the ol' maturity level) So I've been help writing and critiquing that. I don't do much writing, just three paragraphs in a thirty minute episode but I have helped give my input and ideas for other people to run with.

Also, there was a giant baptism of like 350 people or something ridiculous like that this past weekend and I had an opportunity to be a part of that. I even helped dunk someone. Whole different story which I will get into later. The way the do baptisim around here is pretty different. They have a baptism service and then they have an immersion service. For the baptism service, they shrink their normal seven services to five. Then, during those five services, instead of a message, they have everyone who signed up and registered to be baptised come up to the platform. Then, there are about six people with bowls of water doing the normal baptism questions like, "Do you believe in Christ alone" and "will you allow Him to lead your life?" They then answer and the baptiser does the sprinkling of water on the forehead. Backing up just a bit- in order to get up to the platform, you have to write up your testimony and make a very firm committment to Christ. The elders then read those and accept people's wish to be baptised. No child under 12 or 13 is allowed to get baptised unless he/she meets with an elder for a one on one session. For the immersion service then, all 350+ people meet in the parking lot where a pool is set up outside. Heartland rents a pool and bleachers and speakers and makes it a party with a big barbeque and the whole schpeel. Then, all 350 people make their way into the pool, six at a time again, a verse is read for each group, the words are spoken by the pastor, and people get dunked. It's a pretty/very big deal around here.

After the baptism and when everyone cleared out, my friend, Carson, and I then jumped into the pool and swam around with Dugan, who was already in the pool. It was a good time. For those of you that are thinking that sounds really disrespectful. I promise you, everyone was so far removed from the pool that no one was offended. Not to mention, the jumping into the pool is apparantly a Heartland tradition. I was lucky enough to be a part of it. However, when we were in the pool, there was one more guy that did want to be baptised and Dugan being the Youth Leader on staff had the "authority" to do so. So Dugan introduced himself and I did the same and while Dugan asked him the whole set of questions, I helped dunk the guy and bring him back up. My role was very inconsequential but it was cool being a part of someone's baptism.

Now, my whole mindset towards the mass baptism is kind of blurred. I just don't know how I feel about it. I mean, there is something to be said about a traditional baptism where three-seven people make their committment to Christ in a very public way where the congregation viewing them will remember the baptis-ee's face and hold him/her accountable. However, there is also something to be said about a celebration made out of baptism where hundreds of people get baptised as part of a huge community. I guess I thought the prior was a little more personal which I like. The latter is a little less personal but then I started thinking about where baptism got its start. Maybe, just maybe, when John the Baptist was doing baptism, it looked more like the way Heartland did it and less like the way most people are accustomed to it. Maybe, baptism was about the masses but an individual commitment. Maybe. I don't know. I am definitely more used to one way and would prefer to do baptism the way I was baptised, but I can see points for both. Regardless, being a part of Heartland's Baptism service was a very cool thing and the change in people's lives seemed evident. Whether or not that's true is, I suppose, debateable, but that's pretty cynical. I would much rather give those people my blessing and pray that their lives are changed forever. I mean, isn't that what baptism is about anyway? Making the committment to Christ and having your life reflect that?

So with all of that said, my time here at Heartland is drawing very near. Here's my schedule. I work today and tomorrow (Thursday). We're off Friday for the 4th of July. I go to a Brewer's game on Saturday for a Bachelor's party. I work until Wednesday with Monday off, because that's my day off. I then am at my sister's wedding from Wed-Sun. I work that next week. I'm then off from Sun-Wed for a little family time with Melissa and her immediate family which will be awesome. I then work a week and a half more, and then I'm off to Dallas for a mission trip with the Sr. High and then I'm home in Chicago on the 6th of August for the Summit Leadership conference and then I'm home for good on the 8th. The rest of this internship is going to fly by. It's been good and great in parts. It's never been disappointing. It's given me some answers and some great questions. It's given me direction and a scope to follow. I can't really ask for more than that. It's hard being a part of Heartland only because it could just as easily function with or without me. That's not to say my work in inconsequential. It's just to say that the work I've been given (which has been a lot), is almost always a little off the target of my main interest. I've enjoyed what I've done here. Very much so. It just hasn't always been the bulls-eye.

Last cool thing- I've been offered a chance to do some research for one of the teaching pastors around here. That is very cool. I like that idea a lot. Muy Mucho. Have a great you crazies.

Moving Fast and Not Fast Enough

Half way done.

That statement is kind of crazy. What's even more crazy is that I remember thinking when I got here, "When June is done, this internship is going to fly by." Guess what? It's almost July which consequently means, June is almost done. It's June 24th right now and in three-four days, we're going to be done with Sharefest. Sharefest is a giant renovation project of three public schools here in Rockford. I've been working there on and off these past two weeks. AND it's almost done. And when that's done, I'm almost done with June. And when June is almost done- I've already done this...

This summer has been really great though. There are so many things that constantly make me question where I am and why I am. I think if I have learned anything, it is this: I am a full believer in Jesus Christ. I have confidence that he can do anything that he pleases. I believe he knows all. Is all. And is all powerful. I believe that not only does Jesus know me, but that I know Jesus. I believe that he wants to see his children laugh, play, enjoy, and be part of a full life. I also know that Jesus lets us go through pit falls and stumble every now and again. However, I also know that he is always there. Always. With all of this said, I also know I screw up. A lot. I choose to disregard what Jesus has for me sometimes and go my own way. I need to work on that. I also know that those little decisions can become a giant hindrance down the road. But I also know that those decisions come in every part of life. Whether you're a teacher, a stock broker, a massage therapist, a pastor, a construction worker, a waiter or a chef, every day decisions make us who we are. It is the minute decisions, the details, that make us who we are.

Here's a better description: Take humans. Most humans have two eyes, a head, a nose, four apendages, and so on. This is not what makes them unique. Sometimes the number or having of these things make them unique but for the majority, these things do not make them unique. What makes them unique is the details. How big their eyes are. How tan their arms are. How curved their nose is. How wide their smile is. Details make up who we are. Details make us unique. Details define us. The little decisions are the details- the make up- of who we are. I need to work on the details.

Heartland has helped me a lot here. I talked earlier about how my life has been an upside down puzzle. I have learned that I am not ready to work in front of a church. I might be okay working behind a church or even in partnership with a church, but I am not ready to work in front of a church. However, a past entry also talked about how I wish to be in front and how I don't necessarily feel like that's being egotisitcial just as long as one's heart is in the right place. I feel like I tend to do better when people are watching. There is a certain switch in my body that clicks on when I know I have an audience. Without the audience, that switch takes longer to find. This means one of two things. I need to either hold off on church life and become stronger in other areas or I need to find how to turn on that switch even when I'm not in a place of prime switch-ability. My guess is that it's probably a healthy combination of both. My life doesn't need to change so much as it needs to be continually refined and defined. I want more definition (not meaning- details) to who I am which means I need to search after better answers which means I need to be asking harder and better questions.

We'll see what happens in the next five weeks.

From: Me

So my past posts have been pretty serious. I'm not really a serious guy all of the time so that past blogs have been pretty dull to read. I understand this. I am aware of this. I would like to make it up to you. I'll still tell you all about my life but I'm going to do it in a more story like way. We'll see if this flows any better.

So I just went to Beefaroo. It's a weird fast food restaurant that is only in Rockford. Apparantly they have tons-o-flavors to choose from in the milk shake variety. I have yet to have one of these delicious and yet oh, so abundant ice cream, drinkable treats. I'm sure they are delicious. I choose Steak'n'Shake. Stick to your roots.

I'm also figuring out if the church is where I'll be living vocationally. I think the answer is a "no" for a bit. My problem is not with the church and what it might do to me. My problem is with me and what I might do to the church. I'm not ready to be up and leading people spiritually. I am not myself ready spiritually, physically or mentally to do the whole "work at a church" thing right now. What I want to do is to take whatever talents I have, work towards something, make a few bucks that way, get some life experience being clueless in my endeavors but still endeavor-ing and go from there. I'm not worried about how things will pan out. I am a little worried that I might miss a big sign to go a certain way but ultimately, if I'm supposed to be somewhere and my heart and mind are set in finding that destination, I will eventually arrive. It just makes sense.

I am finding that this summer is not necessarily giving me a ton of answers but instead just giving me more questions. It has answered a couple of things for me already but it has also given me a lot to ponder. It's a lot like the series LOST. (by the way, I'm addicted to the show, I've just started watching it, and I can't stop. I'm half way through season 2 and it's only been a week. Yikes.) (that was a long parentheses) It's a lot like the series LOST because my life has given me a lot of questions and once I've arrived here (my own little island), I've been given a couple answers but ultimately, I may or may not be more and more confused without fully knowing if that is true or not. My buddy Dugan explained Lost like this: It's a puzzle with all of the pieces flipped over so you can piece them together but you don't know what the picture looks like. My life right now is that. I have questions that are being answered but I still have a lot more questions to piece together. However, I have no idea what the heck my picture looks. It's a good metaphor.

Anywho, that is my life for right now. Still moving forward. Still smiling through it all. Still tired most of the time. But I'm in an exciting time in my life. I like it.

Big Platter

Sorry that I haven't written in a long time. I feel like I am so consumed with what I am doing at Heartland right now that a lot of other things are taking the backseat. I haven't had any real alone time in a long time. I'm always on the move, looking at the next thing I have to do while doing something that is supposed to be done fifteen minutes before my next meeting. It's a busy life here and I like it, but it's a work environment that I still find myself getting used to and getting accustomed to each day. It's not a place where you just stroll into work, go into your office, see your list of "to-do's" and then start tackling one by one until five o'clock rolls around. Instead, it's a church that you roll in somewhere between 8:30 and 9, look around, see who is in the office, look at your calendar, realize that you have 5 meetings with things to do in between each one, and then try and tackle each thing. Yes, the people are incredible here and I do love work. However, work never stops. It can't when the staff is over 130. Church life is a different life than what I expected. I'm sure mega church life is even more different.

So here I sit, contemplating whether or not life in ministry is the life for me. The further I get into this summer, the more I begin to realize that the answer is different than what I thought it would be. To tell you the truth, I assumed that three weeks after this internship, I would be excited about ministry and the opportunities that it presents a person like me. That doesn't seem to be the case though. Instead, this church has probably made me want to be less and less a part of ministry. Don't get me wrong, Heartland does an incredible job at what it sets out to do. It's great at reaching a large mass of people and the teaching here is incredibly relevant to what people deal with in their everyday lives. Their worship is exciting and fresh. The programs are set up so that people can relax and not have to worry about anything. All the congregation has to do is listen.

But this kind of church is simply not the church for me. Instead, I would rather go to a church where they preached the Bible and showed how it applied to my life. More often than not, Heartland teaches about life and shows how it relates to the Bible. My mom calls that putting the carriage before the horse. I don't know if I would go that far but it definitely could be viewed that way. The problem is that I don't think I could be a teacher here and I believe that I did work at a church, it would consist of teaching. I have a weird passion that wants to be viewed. I need that accountability. I am okay doing stuff in the background but I think that I sometimes to mostly need the motivation that whatever it is that I am going to be doing is also going to be viewed by other people. It is their affirmation that I seek. Obvioulsy, it's also God's affirmation that I seek. I don't want to sound like my priorities are out of order. I'm typing very stream of consciousness right now so please understand my intentions. I first of all want to please God in all that I do. And I believe that God has given me a heart to work with and for others. Whatever it is that I am going to do seems to me that there will be other people involved. I don't know if they will be listening or evaluating but I think God has given me a desire for an audience in some capacity. Again- whether that is a listening one or one that evaluates my performance, I really do think that God has given me a desire for others to watch me.

I don't want this to sound cocky and I realize it may come across that way- especially since I'm typing this out as opposed to saying it aloud where we could have a conversation about this- but I promise you that I think God has given others gifts to work in the back or work in the front. All I am saying is that because of my 21 years of existence and most specifically my past 3 1/2 weeks here, I really do believe that my gifts point to the front and not to the back. I know who I am in certain areas and I know that when I work behind the scenes, my production level is less than what it is when I'm in the front. I don't view that necessarily as a weakness in me as much as I view it as the way I function. Some people work better when they aren't in front and people don't assume that they are being self boasting when they claim that they work better behind the scenes. My point is simply that I work better and more efficiently when I have the accountability of other people's opinions.

Beyond church life, I also am really beginning to understand clear communication. My girlfriend and I have been a part for the time of my internship. We have been able to see each other a couple times which has been really nice but we're learning what long distance relationships do. The problem with long distance relationships is not that you can't grow together, it's that you grow at a different pace- a much SLOWER pace. Talking about your day with the other person is important but still having a common bond is equally as vital. Mel and I have been able to rely a little bit on our common bond- each other. We are really interested in the other person but we are also interested in the other person being interested in us. It's so great to have Mel ask about my day and be interested in what happens next and in turn, it's great for Mel to have me be equally as interested. However, with the long distance thing, we have also found that communicating about such things often makes us sad that the other person wasn't there to share in that experience or sometimes even jealous. Often we've come home to realize that the other is in a completely different mood and it's hard to counter our emotions with the other person's. But what's been the best part about this is that we've talked all about this with the other. These things are all issues that we realize and talk through. We try and fix the problem as opposed to ignoring them. We move on. We're kind of in love.

I am almost done with my fourth week here and sooner than later, I will be half way done. That's absolutely ridiculous. I can't believe how fast my internship has gone and I can't believe how much I am learning about myself. Sometimes the things I learn are just reminders. Sometimes the things I learn are "aha" moments when I realize something about life for the first time. Sometimes, I learn things that I don't think I should have learned because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Regardless, I'm learning- a lot. It's been a good almost four weeks. I'm looking forward to a better almost six.

2 Tenths

Now I'm done with two weeks. I'm currently sitting outside in my bathing suit in 80 degree weather and getting a sun. For all of those concerned, the answer is "No, I'm not wearing sun screen lotion." I don't know where it is in this house and I'm not going to rummage through my host parents' drawers.

I had a very cool experience yesterday. I went to a concert with my new, very good friend Dugan, his sister Breeze and their good friend (now Dugan's better friend if you know what I mean) Haylee. The band was called Starlight Radio and they were pretty folk rockish. Very good sound. Great music. The lead singer has amazing vocals. It was really up my alley. What was cool was not necessarily the concert though. What was cool was there was a guy in the front row just raising his hand and even stood by himself once during the show just praising (I'm assuming) God. The band wasn't a Christian band. They weren't singing praise songs. No one else was praising with this guy. But there he was. Praising. Appreciating.

I was confused at first but then the more I watched this guy I started to realize something. This man was not praising the band or with the band or to the songs being sung. This guy was praising God for allowing his ears to hear such incredible beauty flow out of something earthly. This guy was praising God because His beauty was being revealed to us. It wasn't in a form of a Psalm. It wasn't in a hymn. It was everyday life exuding God's beauty. It was an incredible reminder that God is truly everywhere. Everything on this earth is God's and God can be revealed through everything. It is his beauty that shines through the beautiful things on earth. It is merely our choice to praise him for it. I hope that we choose to. I hope I choose to.

Beyond that, I am finding myself a little better around old Heartland Community Church. I'm getting involved in a small group and I'm probably going to even co-lead it. I'm writing some scripts for some sketches and announcements and videos so that' s fun too. I'm just moving all the time though so feeling productive is not really a priority. I'm not in one spot long enough to really accomplish anything. Maybe that's not what I'm here for. Maybe I'm here just to soak. I don't like that though. I want to be of some value. I want to be good at what I'm doing. I don't feel like I'm good at this. I just feel like I CAN do this. It's not hard to sit in meetings and give input or no input. I think I need a project to accomplish. And again, maybe that's what the real test for me this summer is going to be. It's going to be me not being in the lead. I have to follow. I just have to listen and accept. Ideas are okay to give but they are most likely only going to be ideas that feed off of others' vision. That's hard for me. This should be a great summer. We'll see what happens.

Life again

So my internship is officially a week done, I've been here for ten days, and my life hasn't stopped yet. It's weird knowing that I'm already done with 1/10 of my internship in weeks and 1/7 of my internship in days. (I'm here for 10 weeks, one is done- I'm here for 70 days, 10 are gone. Stay with me) However, life is going by so great and fast so that is really a blessing. I've met some incredible people along the way as well and everyone here is very warm and welcoming. It seems like everyone who works here has worked in three to four jobs prior just in the church. Whether they were on the communications team, the kids ministry, the accounting team, the head leadership team- everyone moves always. It's a cool environment the accepts change but primarily promotes it so that people find where they are most effective. I like that.

My weeks here are crazy. I have Monday's off. My Tuesdays are split between writing for the drama ministry, the thrift store that Heartland owns, and the PM creative writing group (PM is the 20-something ministry). Wednesdays are heartland kids and then back to the drama team. Thursdays are office days where I can just work and vary my time between the thrift store and the facility team and the Jr. High and Sr. High ministries. Fridays are more flexible. Saturdays I work at the thrift store again doing all sort of things while also working within other programming teams. Also, there are three services going on Saturday. Sunday equals four more services excluding one more at night for just the PM group. Between all of this, I also have two mission trips to possibly go on, communication meetings with a group led by the lead pastor here, a baptism for about 500 hundred people, and Sharefest- a two week long renovation of three schools. It should be a very busy summer. Not to mention I also am playing Ultimate Frisbee in Madison, WI near one of the other sites that Heartland owns. (did I mention this is a big church?) Summer = Crazy = I wouldn't have it any other way. That is the transitive property by the way. a = b= c which equals a= c.

On other news. Life for me is also great. I'm not sure if Heartland is going to really answer my questions of whether or not ministry is something that I want to be involved in but I know it's going to give me a great summer at the very, very least. I want some of my questions to be met head on but with a church like this, it runs so corporately sometimes that it's hard to incorporate an intern at random places. When I stop feeling like a fly on the wall, then maybe I will start feel more like mis preguntas will be more graspable (is that word?) but until then, I'm just going to keep moving onward and full of jubilee.(... fellow...s.)

Be well all of you.

So it begins

This is my first time blogging. As you can imagine, I am fairly excited. What could I say that might be read upon this interweb that might someday make a profound impact on some young child's heart? Might it be a steam of tangents that accidentally form something of great worth? Might it be something small to me but great to others? Might it be malarky? We'll see. We shall see.

The real reason I'm starting this now and hope to keep it going is to keep my life posted for the next ten weeks while I am here in Rockford, IL doing an intership with Heartland Community Church. It's a church of 8,000 people. It's kind of ridiculous how big it is but it doesn't have the same big feeling that most mega churches have. HCC has seven services in two different venues. That's right, they have two churches, two sanctuaries, seven services between the two of them. They tape all of the services and the first one is always live. Then, they take the DVD they used to tape the service, shoot it over to the other venue and play the sermon over video for a different congregation. Sometimes the sermon is live- sometimes taped. It's like a guessing game except there aren't funny people like Anita or Robert... well I suppose there proboably are those people but I just haven't met them yet (for all of you that missed that allusion to the popular guessing game, "Guess Who," that's what that was).

Anywho, I'm sitting in my host family's house in my bed right now. They too are nice people. It's just weird getting used to so many new things all the while not knowing where you fit in within any of it quite yet. This summer will be a growing experience to say the least. Not to mention, Mel and I are apart for a while and the time only grows longer. We'll be okay though so don't you worry-warts worry about it! You are all great. I'm going to go to bed. I love you all. There will be more interesting posts in the future- I promise.