I wish....

Some days, I wish I was a Viking.  Boom!  How's that for an introduction?

Nah, I'm just kidding.  I just thought it'd be fun to start out a post like that. 

In real life, I wish I was taller.  Not like, Viking-tall.  Just like 6'2 tall.  I don't think that's too much to ask for.  I can remember being a kiddo and going to Payless Shoes and the nice men and women that worked there would measure my feet with that foot measurer-do-hicky-thing and they'd always say:

"Wow.  How old are you?"

"Seven."

"You're going to be tall."

"Now when you say tall, you mean..."

"Over 6 feet for sure!"

"Awesome!  Mom did you hear that?... Mom?  Where are you?"

"I think she went back in the car."

"Hm."

That last part is fuzzy but it went something like that.  Anyway, I've been told my entire life that I would be taller than I am.  I've even held onto the fact that some men continue to grow until their 25 (that's only one more year for me).  But I haven't grown since 9th grade and truth of the matter is, I'm stuck here.

I'm stuck with a 15-30 degree angle that my neck has to sit on in order to talk to most people eye-to-eye.  I'm stuck with the fact that when I go in for a hug, I have to nuzzle below while people rest their chins on my head.  I'm stuck with the fact that I have stereotyped all shoe salespeople to be liars and terribly insensitive.

And worst of all, I'm stuck with a wingspan of 6'2 while my body stands only 5'10.

That's right.  My arms got the message.  They grew like they should have.  But my legs and torso are set in their ways (pun intended). 

The world is a cruel, cruel place.

My Resentment with Contentment*

*sorry for the rhyme- I couldn't resist.

One of my mild frustrations with Christianity is asking for contentment. Throughout many conversations with people, I have heard (both from others and myself) over and over again, "I just need to be content where God has me right now.  I'm so restless- I need to learn how to be content"  Now I think that works when people are talking about waiting to have kids, waiting to make a huge purchase, or when people are simply not thankful for any of the blessings in their life.  I get that.  But for all us people that are discontent with our jobs, discontent with our relationships, discontent with our routines- what if we stopped asking for contentment and started asking God for ambition? 

Now when I say ambition, I'm not talking about ambition to build a multi-platinum record label (although maybe I am now that I think about it), I'm talking about an ambition after what God wants for us.  I don't think God wants all of His kiddos to be content.  I think He wants them to get made fun of.  I think He wants them to be beat up a little bit.  I think He wants them to be punched in the gut every once and while (apparently I think God is very physical).  I think that He wants His kids to search for Him, get off the beaten path, and find Him in the most unlikely spot.  And I don't think that happens as often when we're content.  When we're content, we're looking for affirmation that our lives are okay as they are.  We so badly want to feel happy that we forget that God also works through heartache, pain, stress, frustration, searching, working and tension.  

And I don't feel like contentment is only a bad thing.  God wants us to be content too.  Jeff Manion, the pastor of Ada Bible Church, gives a great example of contentment.  Take two kids.  They both have bowls for ice cream.  You give the first child a scoop of ice cream and he's the happiest he could ever be.  At that point in that child's life, nothing could be better.  As the second child gets his ice cream, kid number one realizes that kid number two got a little bit more.  No longer is child numero uno happy.  The injustice infuriates him.  And yet, two seconds ago kid number one was happier than ever.  It was his comparing of the bowls that left him feeling discontent.  And because he had the evidence of kid number two having more ice cream, he felt justified in his discontentment.  Jeff Manion (and Jesus) warns us that this is dangerous territory.  Because the heart that feels ripped off can justify anything (quote by Jeff Manion).  So a prayer of contentment there is very important

I think the danger comes in when I start asking God for contentment with what/why/who/how I am and I start forgetting that God has made me exactly how he wanted me to be.  It would be like if I had crutches and I said I only had one leg.  I still have two legs.  One’s just broken.  And just because I don’t have everything in place (like my femur), it doesn’t mean I need to stop walking.  I need to learn how to use my broken leg and my healthy leg together with the help of my crutches.  At that point, I’ll be able to walk just fine.  And most likely, I’ll learn how to do other cool things in the process, like kick a ball with a crutch.  That would be awesome.  But if I broke my leg and decided that I should just sit down and ask for contentment, I might miss out on knowing I could do those fun things.

Maybe not surprisingly, since this is one of my greatest frustrations, I often times find myself wanting so badly for God to work while I just watch.  I'd rather find that five dollars in my jeans pocket as opposed to working for it.  I want someone to hear me talking with my friends and say, "Oh my gosh!  You'd be perfect in this major motion picture I'm working on!  Hi, my name is Martin Scorsese."  I want to open up my Bible every morning at random and read the verse that I need to hear that day.  Funny that things don't work out like that.  And honestly, I think if God wanted the world to work like that, He'd make it happen.  But life doesn't happen like that.  And if informal logic has taught me anything, I can conclude that it's because God doesn't want the world to happen like that.

Of course this can be argued and there are some points in here that could be fleshed out a bit more, but what I'm basically trying to say is I'm tired of hearing (and saying), "I just need to learn how to sit and listen before I 'go and do.'"  I wish the mentality was:  Let's go out and do something that both God and I would like and find Him along the way.  Because let's face it, we all know what's right and what's wrong.  We all know that tutoring a 12 year old is probably a better use of our time than watching Glee is.  We all know that waking up early to do devotions would be better for us as opposed to hitting snooze.  We all know that living a comfortable life is not always the best thing.  But if we're honest, Glee, the snooze button, and "comfortable" are great and wonderful things too (especially Glee).  So, like most things, this issue is all about making a choice.  And I hope I get better at making the better one more often.