There's a problem with our world. Okay, scratch that. There are a lot of problems within our world. Okay, scratch both of those things. There is a problem with our world that not a lot of people are talking about. And before you start guessing what that problem is, I'm just going to tell you.
It's the world of dating.
I'm the first to admit that I'm not expert on this topic. However, I've casually noticed some points that I think ought to be addressed. To get there, I need to clarify a few things first.
1. I'm going to be talking about dating in most traditional sense: boy and girl
2. You're going to say at the end, "So true" or "I know, right?!?"
3. I hate the phrase, "I know, right?!?"
So the main problem is that stereotypes rule here. Girls tend to like being asked out on a date. Boys tend to think too much when it comes to dating- and especially when it comes to asking girls on a date.
If you ask most women, "If a nice guy asked you out on a date, what would you say?" the common response would be, "I'd say yes! I love going out on dates. But no boy at this Christian College asks any of us girls out ever!" If you ask most men, "If you saw a girl that you liked- you know, like, like-liked- and wanted to get to know better, would you ask them out on a date?" the common response would be, "Absolutely. But there is waaaay more to it than just 'asking them out.'"
This is where the confusion comes in. Girls like being asked out. It gives them a reason to get dressed up and think about what they're going wear. They like having an excuse to say no to the lame and mundane Friday night schedule. They like talking to a boy without other boys around. And before you think I'm too sexist already, first, tell me I'm wrong. And second, note that I've already clarified in point one that this is in the most traditional point of view.
Continuing on with the confusion. Boys also like going out to dinner with girls. They like feeling proud of picking up the check for a pretty lady-friend. They like telling their tool-friends that ask them what he's doing that night that "It's no big deal. We're just going out to dinner. Shut up douche bags." and other stupid names that us boys call our immature-friends. And they like talking to a girl without other boys around too.
However, it's sadly not this easy. There are far more factors that come into play. And most of these factors deal with the stereotypes that our culture has made true. First, girls think that it's no-big-deal to just ask someone out on a date. They think that it doesn't have to mean anything. They think that it can just be two people, enjoying each other's company and nothing more. They think that it's super easy to ask a girl, "Hey, wanna go out with me during a time to a place to do something that could be fun?" To that I respond, then you try it. If that doesn't suffice, I say, it's so much more complicated than that.
First, guys hate rejection. The very thought of asking someone out on a date and being turned down is awful to even think about and then to have it be actualized could be categorized as "The Worst Ever." Not to mention, if one girl turns down a boy, the chances of him asking anyone else out in the near future is reduced by 8 times. I'm not making that statistic up. I don't have the evidence nor can I show my work on how I came up with that stat, but you'll have to trust me on this one.
Second, if "going on a date" doesn't have to mean anything, then why do both parties immediately start thinking "I really like this person. I hope it goes really well so I can have a boyfriend/husband six months from now."? Both parties tell themselves and everyone around them that it's just a date but in the deepest parts of their soul, they're really thinking, "I hope something craaazy happens tonight so I will have a hilarious story to tell my kids when they ask, 'What was your and dad's/mom's first date like?" Don't worry, we all do it. It's sick. And it's wrong. But we all do it. But oh, it is so sick and wrong.
Third, people talk. Because the truth is, if you're a dude and you're known for taking a lot of girls out on dates, whether or not you do the kissy-mooshy-wanna-touch-your-tooshy stuff (I just came up with that phrase and think it's awesome), you get one of two reputations. 1. You're a player and you just want to make out with a bunch of ladies or 2. You're too picky and you'll never be happy because you don't know how to get over the tiniest little detail such as, "She wore a tank top and it was like 60 degrees outside. Isn't that a little cold to show off your shoulders?".
However, it is possible that neither one of those reputations will stick and the boy will just be known as "brave for asking out girls he's interested in." People still talk though. And boys know this. Because when a boy asks out a girl, he immediately knows that the girl will tell her girl friends and those girl friends will tell their girl friends and then those girl friends will tell CNN and MSNBC and eventually, everyone knows you're going on a date. This is called intimidating. Because soon, CNN and MSNBC will be having news correspondents talking about how the date will go, if she's excited or if she really likes him or where he is taking her or if his family has a history of male patterned baldness and a lot more questions like that.
But it doesn't stop there. Because after the date, all of those people will ask the girl again, "how was the date" and "did you have a good time" and "was he a gentlemen" and of course, "Will there be another date".
This is where it really gets tricky. Because if one party member thinks that there will be another date and the other party member thinks there won't be another date, then eventually, both party members will be confused of how to even talk to each other during non-dates. This will last an average of six months until one party member finally musters up enough strength to ask the other person, "Hey. What's up?" as they pass each other randomly some day (although in reality, they've passed each other "randomly" 74 times before this moment too. It was just "too weird" then). Eventually things go back to normal though.
Of course there is a possibility that both party members agree that although the date was fun, it probably shouldn't happen again. At least not as an official date. I mean why should people hang out with someone of the opposite sex if they won't provide a second income for you down the road, right? If this should happen, more questions come up. They include, can we really just go back to being friends? Do they really not want to go on a second date with me or did they just say that because I did? Do I really not want to go on a second date with them or did I just say that because they did? And of course, the most important question: Am I allowed to go on a date with their friends?
All of these are good questions and all of them stand as ambiguous for the rest of both parties' lives.
However, there are some theorists out there such as PhD Ben Arendt that believes that if an outside member of an existing circle of friends dates within a circle of friends, that one date ultimately ends any possibility of a date occurring between said outside member and any other party member within the circle. If for some reason a different inside-the-circle party member dates the same outside member that an inside-the-circle member has previously dated, then that inside-the-circle member who dated the outside member second would be looking at a temporary release from that circle of friends and potentially, a life-long ban. However, this theory has been tested many a time and the end result for each members relationships with both inside and outside the circle members, varies significantly and cannot be counted on as reliable. Not yet at least.
In conclusion, the dating game is a much harder one than what meets the eye. It's like playing chess with yourself. You know all of your moves and you think you know all of your opponents moves. But as soon as you do something that you didn't expect you would, you have counter your own self by changing the very game plan that you set up that you thought would assuredly beat you.
That's right. It's that confusing.
I'll also add that there is a lot more on this subject that has been left untouched. I haven't even touched on what physical contact does to a date. I haven't talked about what life after a second or third date is like. I haven't even talked about the atmosphere, intentional or unintentional cues, or the conversation within a date. Maybe it'll appear in another blog someday. Maybe I'll write a 120 page book and over analyze this topic even more than I already have. Maybe I'll simply let it go and allow smarter, more experienced people take this project over. Either way, in just this short while, I have proved that dating is indeed a complicated, twisted, way-too-involved process that probably has never been and never will be mastered. Girls say they just want a simple date but from the very start, make it more complicated by taking that extra five minutes in front of the mirror. Guys say they just want a simple date but make it more complicated by just having a brain that thinks in too many different directions and often times, different directions that don't ever meet back up.
Bottom line: dating is hard. God Speed. And good luck.
