Go for it vs. Stick with
the sure thing
Embrace your Strengths and follow those vs. Strengthen your
weaknesses and become more broadly marketable
Be who you are and potentially define your audience vs. Find an
audience and see where you can potentially fit
Step out and trust vs. Stay in and feel secure
What’s funny about my generation is that we’re known as free
spirits. People think we want to live in
community but that we also believe we have the ability to carve our own way. That we can multi-task and that we believe
we’re better off when we do. That we
believe we’re ready to take on the world.
That we believe we will be successful.
That we believe we’re talented enough.
That we believe we’re really good at what we do.
I’m not sure I buy that. There’s definitely more to the story, at
least. In many ways, I think we’re
pretty insecure. I’m not sure if it’s
because some of our most formative years came during a thriving economy- one
where technology was booming, every product, process and production was
becoming faster and smarter, and one that the next best thing was not only
expected, but it came. We were given a
lot during a time when there was a lot to give.
But now there’s less. And somehow
the reputation that my generation received is being juxtaposed with the times
that we are in.
We have a reputation for being brave and daring (and spoiled) but
we’re living in a time when security is not a sure thing. Failure is a bigger deal than it was
before. And now we’re fighting our
subconscious with our conscious. Our
confidence is trying to coincide with reality.
I know I’m trying to make sense of it all.
I grew up believing (and being told to some extent) that you can
do what you put your mind to. That if
you really believe in something, you can accomplish it. That taking a risk is generally a good thing. That stepping out on the ledge of possibility
will land you in the world of actuality.
But my reality shows me something different. Some of the best teachers I know are not
finding teaching positions. My engineering
friends are encouraged to not be creative because the budget won’t allow
it. There are others who are doing their
best to break into a new world of employment but there simply is no room for
them at the inn.
So we’re running into this wall and we have a few options to
believe. 1.) We were lied to. The world is tougher than we were told and we
have to play by someone else’s rules.
2.) We were naïve. We were actually
never told this world was easy and while we were ignoring that advice, we somehow
also got cocky. Or 3.) Life is tough but
we can’t give up. Because the truth is,
both the first and second options are true to some extent. Some of us were lied to and a lot of us were
misled- whether on purpose or by accident.
Some of us became cocky and a lot of us were naïve. And now we’re trying to make sense of it
all.
We’re trying to figure out what direction to go. For some, they’re trying to remain steadfast
in their determination to succeed but they’re being told “no” a lot more than they
expected. There’s not much room to move
and we’re a pretty antsy people. So our
questions have turned from “What will I choose to be when I grow up?” to “What can I be when I grow up?” People are now leaving dreams and aspirations
and learning to make the best out of our situations.
But somewhere within it all, we also believe that giving up now
will hurt way more in the future than it will now.
We all know the stories of the social activists and the inventors
and the athletes that could have given up but didn’t. And for that reason, I won’t Wikipedia them
and namedrop. But what I’m finding is
that while those people are inspirational to us, our current place in history still
has us believing two different stories.
1.
We should find the safe job and work there. We should live our comfortable lives because
it’s just smarter in the long run. We
should just do what we’re told. We can exercise
our creativity and strengths where we can but following the rules is first
priority. Let’s just do our best to find
a drivable road and hope that it leads to somewhere safe and gratifying.
or
2.
We should dig our heels in and live up to our generation’s
reputation. We should try to generate
our own self-gratification by following our hearts. We need to believe in ourselves and our
abilities because we’re living in a time that needs dreamers and entrepreneurs
and idealists and self-made men and women now more than ever. Let’s make our own roads and follow those.
The truth is, both options are okay. Both have their merit. Neither is better than the other. You can play it safe and still be true to
yourself. And you can dream big without
the fear of being homeless. And that’s
what makes it really hard. Depending on
the day, we say one of the two things- that playing life safe is either the
coward’s way out or that it’s responsible.
On the other side, we tell ourselves that taking the risk is either
foolish or our future self’s biggest regret should we not try it. It could be our chance to do what we love and
be in love with what we do.
So we get stuck in these one side vs. the other side scenarios.
Go for it vs. Stick with the sure thing
Embrace your
Strengths and follow those vs. Strengthen your weaknesses and become more
broadly marketable
Be who you
are and potentially define your audience vs. Find an audience and see where you
can potentially fit
Step out and
trust vs. Stay in and feel secure
This is my current battle.
And I’m finding that when both options are okay, it’s actually harder to
choose. Weigh in. I’m interested in what you have to say.
5 comments:
AA: I feel, somehow, that the two scenarios are less polarized. Or maybe I just feel like it's less of a choice than it really is (or really isn't?)
The world I grew up in, or family I grew up in, rather, did encourage me to strive to my fullest potential. My inner dialogue, for better or for worse, made me wary and suspect of this sort of attitude. My personal values, wherever they came from, encouraged me to pay attention to my skills, and recognize the responsibility to use them, and use them creatively... but not necessarily boldly.
Then, I found that my priority, my goal, was not to "be all I can be", or not in a career-oriented sense, at least. My goals were to be where I was, and be there *well*. To me, that meant a mix of caring for others, making 'responsible' choices, and again, recognizing a mandate to use the skills I had been given creatively. I never made a choice to step out, or back, or up, or any way at all--and I have found myself here, having our first child (maybe today??), supporting and encouraging my husband in Seminary. It seems simultaneously risky (financially) and comfortable, because it's what we wanted, and in a very important sense, it's the direction in which we both firmly believed we should head.
All this is to say, we never followed through with the plans we tentatively made through blog comments last February. Shame on us.
I agree...i dont thnk that the choices are always so polarized. When they are, the answer to your question is, "it depends.". :). Sometimes you have to step out and do something a little crazy, and sometimes not. Follow your heart and the Holy Spirit. Dont be afraid, and dont look back.
Do you think this inner battle is the reality of growing up. At some point in our lives, people start to realize that life is full of challenges. I know as I have grown older, my optimistic view of the world has started to shrink and I have realized that life is incredibly difficult.
To echo everyone else here, these choices aren't quite so dichotomous. I think the process itself can be quite didactic and a lot of it is what people should go through in those first years of work or work and undergraduate education. I'm finding myself, after undergraduate, after working, and now back in graduate school that I'm still growing, learning, and testing (and being tested). Sometimes you do what you're told and you keep your head down, and other times you use your optimism and push for change. Of course, you basically said this.
I think John hit the nail on the head. This dilemma is a quintessential dilemma that all young people face. Surely, the dilemma is colored by the milieu in which youth exists, but the same themes are usually constant. Youth is idealistic. With age usually comes pessimism. I think the fight is to retain that optimism and idealism while reality pounds, molds, forms, and shapes us. I think we're better for it. It is, however, the fight of maturity. I think the issues you're highlighting here is the forward march of immaturity that wealth and our culture has allowed. We marry later, we buy houses later, we move out later (or don't), etc. etc. I'm sure that this also has a lot to do with this feeling.
We are naive. We did grow up spoiled. It's all true. I think Amanda is right (on your FB) that this wasn't always true for women. However, I think the more important distinction is that this is most true for people in the US and more often white. I don't think this tug-of-war is the same for any of my friends in school who are minorities. In fact, in conversations with them, they don't get it. They don't get why everyone else act so privileged (answer: because we are), yet they didn't use that word and they didn't identify it quite that way. I also don't think its the same for the poor and not the same for the very wealthy. I would argue, that white women of at least moderate means face this dilemma nearly just as much now.
Whatever the case, I think this is just our own realization of an age-old dilemma just in different times.
I like this. I completely agree that it doesn't have to be as polarizing as I've laid out. Nor do I really think that my generation is a homogeneous group that is affected the same ways by the economy, their parents, the era they group up in, etc... And I do think that this inner battle is a reality of growing up.
I think on a personal level, I've had these strange expectations for myself that I would be doing more "go for it" type things with my life. I'm not sure if that means moving from city to city, going to different grad schools, selling all my possessions and living off what I make on those. But I somehow placed great value on that. But as I'm growing older, I'm finding that I can live a consistent, steady life while also exploring some "go for it" possibilities and be very, very happy all the while wondering what life could be like (it sounds like it's more of an issue with contentment). It probably wasn't fair to include my whole generation but I do feel somewhere that we have especially been told that a.) we have a lot more than past generations and b.) life will be easier for you than it was for us (us being past generations). And while white males are told this most often, I think it was a mother's hope telling their daughter that it would be easier for women in the future too. And my friends who are minorities were told the same- that life would be easier for them than it was for their parents. But the truth is that even if things are better in some places, they are more difficult in others.
So maybe the biggest point in all of this is we still have a long way to go. We still have to dig in our heels. We still have to keep our eyes open for possibilities so we're not blinded by the pessimistic outlook. Growing up is hard, but if we focus on the right things, fulfillment will come a lot easier (that's a shout out to Amanda Stek's wall post). Hopefully we'll do a better job of preparing the next generation.
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